New Year Update

So I realize it's been several months again since my last blog. I guess previously, I was still feeling the pangs of the sorry excuse over a relationship I was getting out of, which had basically triggered and reignited all of my PTSD from my marriage and then some, and I really felt like I had to vent a lot, as well as offer people from worthwhile advice to hopefully spare them the nonsense I had to go through. I hope it has been helpful. According to a couple of readers, it has, and it means a lot to me that some of you guys have benefited from my efforts here. While we're still in the middle of a pandemic and things are not back to "normal as we know it, I can say things remain pretty good on this end. Surprisingly so, actually, especially if I really reflect on where I was a year-and-a-half ago, or 2 years ago.

The only really bad things that have happened in the past several months involve having lost a couple of dear friends of mine, particularly both the husband and wife of a married couple who I also played in a band with for some time. They were awesome people, and she went unexpectedly earlier in the year. He died of what I can only say had to have been a broken heart a few months back, and I miss them very much. They were like family to me, and it breaks my heart to think I will never talk to them again in this life.

Relationship-wise, things are still good. With my previous relationship, things got off to a really hot and heavy start, very exciting, kind of too good to be true, but then about 90 days in, things started simmering down a bit, and then by that 5th or 6th month, everything went to absolute hell. This relationship never started off as super Intense or unbelievably remarkable at first, just two people who had similar outlooks on things and a few similar interests, both independent single parents who wanted something sincere and not flaky. Right after the divorce, I had started working on my self-esteem and all of the compliments, good times and the admitted confidence boost of dating someone  attractive and younger than me had blinded me to what was important. I compromised---no, CONCEDED--- and gave up more than I should have ever even considered. I was played, and I learned a very hard lesson. But with my head in the right place, having learned those lessons, and also trying to be more mature and responsible (not to mention showing some self-respect), I realize that sometimes it's not about how fiery your passion is, but instead is about how comfortable and at home you feel with someone. Like, you have a true friendship and kinship that supersedes the trivial and superficial.

The result? A stable, consistent relationship where you don't have to constantly ask yourself if you're worthy, and you never have to worry about whether you trust the other person enough with something because you just know. No cryptic languages or references to previous incidents where someone is unclear whether or not they actually learned from their mistakes. And there is something very rewarding about that.

So back when I was constantly experiencing issues that needed to be addressed, it was easy to come up with material to write about. But now that things are pretty much copacetic all around it's hard to find things to write about. Sure, I could probably write about some of the co parenting nonsense and shady crap the ex-wife does, but even that stuff doesn't really bother me much anymore, because honestly, aside from a little mouthiness and moody teenage cynicism, I have a really good relationship with my son again and don't have enough to complain about really to make a big deal out of any of it.

If I really wanted to complain about something, the only couple of things in the relationship that have even crossed my mind as discussion points are things like the length of time it is taking me to deprogram some of the damage done by my marriage, and we have somewhat different parenting styles. But I consider myself a work-in-progress, and I'm trying to learn how to communicate more freely without the feeling of being judged or berated. And she largely kind of lets me help her with parenting her child, who has his own issues, to help her get him to develop a little bit of disappointment, respect and accountability. That can be a strain some days, and I'm sure I will blog about that at some point, because I'm not going to lie, helping straighten out a kid who has basically been spoiled rotten all his life and who is also incredibly awkward to begin with is challenging. Very challenging. And if I did not have quite the free reign to help out and contribute to his development, it would be hard for me to stay in the relationship, because I have to live with him to now, and having already been down this path with my own child (who, thankfully was not this level of borderline-special-needs), it's not my first rodeo, and I know how to get things more or less in line. There are some deeper issues that I'm sure I will have to deal with there, and I'm certain at some point we're going to butt heads because we disagree on the severity of a punishment to something, but so far, there has been no resistance on her part, and honestly I think she's just glad to have someone help out and be her anchor in that regard.

I appreciate the emails I have gotten, thankfully I am able to respond positively. Yes, everything is fine, it's just been kind of quiet from the perspective of someone who primarily writes about things when stuff is not going well. And honestly, that's a pretty awesome thing. When you're like me, and most of your inspiration comes from responding to the negativity of things in life, it's almost nice not to have anything inspiring you to create. In fact, it's a welcome change after everything I've been through.