Brave New World : Changes and Big Steps Made During the Quarantine

So it's been a few months since my last post, and a LOT has changed. We're still locked-down in the COVID-19 pandemipocalypse, and thankfully most of the people I personally know who've been affected (or INfected) have made it through, hoping no more casualties or suffering and that in a couple months we'll be looking at a possible vaccine to help us even better to avoid contracting or spreading the illness. But throughout the pandemic and all that comes with it, I've managed to not only maintain my work (via working from home remotely, which is AWESOME) and my relationship, but also have made some notable leaps as well. This is more of a personal update than anything, so bear with me, faithful readers...

As I said, I'm still in the relationship I began late last fall, after having dated/been-used-by the serial-victim who almost killed her newborn child and who drained my soul and bank account leaving me nothing but regret. I have done my "cleansing" and have mostly overcome the bad experience, moving on to a completely different scenario. It's a nice feeling, being in a 50/50 partnership with someone who has not neglected her psychological well-being. I haven't known this level of relief and contentment in many, many years. 

First comes the relocation. Thanks to some very oddly-timed coincidences back beginning in late March of this year, I decided I was going to sell my house and get out of the home which I bought to appease my cheating ex-wife and try to help our marriage (worked soooooo well, dinnit??? LOL), to leave the upkeep, financial drain and bad memories behind. My girlfriend proposed I move in with her, jokingly at first but it became sincere about the time I was experiencing some other "signs" that a change was necessary and overdue, and while my son's mother didn't exactly love the idea, it made perfect financial sense, and frankly the ex lost all her privileges to complain when she went down on her paramour Alejandro and also chose to presumably maintain her affair with Bernal to this day (no last names given, you bastards know who you are). So a couple months of gradual moving (along with the girlfriend letting me convert half her garage into a room addition to accommodate my ridiculously-sized Star Wars toy collection), and I was ready to list. I worked to get some things done and by July I was was staged, photographed and ready for the market. Thankfully houses in my price range were hard to come by, and the lack of supply plus the high demand meant that my house (which was already being listed for much more than I ever thought it was actually worth) would only be technically "on the market" for 2 and a half days before I had a dozen amazing offers.  Aside from a straight-up twat of a buyer's agent making waves on a couple steps, I am happy to say the sale went through, and it was like a ton of bricks off my shoulders, knowing that aside from contributing to the monthly bills here, I can pay off all my debts. That's an awesome feeling.

***WARNING: POTENTIALLY TMI and/or GRAPHIC THEMES AHEAD***

Next, let's discuss the difference between my relationship a year ago versus now. Some of this might have already been touched on in previous posts, but it's all worth noting again just due to the fact that months have passed and the "cool-down" period has passed. Starting with the practical, day-to-day issues, this time last year I was on the beginnings of a downward spiral, both financially and emotionally. It was almost one year ago to the date when I had to put the kibosh on all the dinners/lunches/breakfasts out with the individual I was dating at the time, and when the attitude started shifting from "complacent and comfortably content" to "easily annoyed and triggered into drama most waking hours" because I was no longer spending money on things or "treating". By the end of that relationship, and this is no exaggeration, I had been "treated" a grand total of TWICE. Over seven months, and I got TWO meals out of on average between 6 and 8 meals out the days we saw each other every week. Rounding down to an even seven months, splitting the difference and saying 7 meals per week, that comes to 212 meals. TWO HUNDRED and TWELVE meals out. And 210 of those were "on me". Not very fair or balanced, right? Amazing how someone who supposedly "appreciates the small things" and who isn't "material" changes their whole mentality when they're no longer being taken out or given money or gifts on a regular basis. But that's not where it ended.

No, the one-sided situation was just as bad in the bedroom, and was every bit as insulting and unfair. While I was tending to every need, desire, request and curiosity thrown my way, either directly or indirectly, I was left wanting. My "mouth game" was something that essentially became taken for granted (to the point of her calling me out on it when I stopped (as a behavioral experiment) after still not having her reciprocate a couple months into the relationship. So again, out of at least a hundred times where her needs were met and then some, I was reciprocated a grand total of TWICE. You read that right, folks. TWO TIMES. And I won't even get into things like the complete absence of variety (be it positions, whatever) or the fact that none of my preferences, proclivities, fetishes, whatever you want to call them were EVER approached or welcomed. Some "discussion in passing", but never happened. Even something so simple as my "you know, it might be kinda' cool for you to wear some hosiery when we play" was ignored. Something so simple and easy, yet it must not have interested her personally, so no thanks. Pass. Ouch.

While initially devastated, alone and depressed, having ended that relationship last year (probably more the fear of not wanting to be "alone" than anything, looking back on it now), between losing my grandmother, almost losing my mother and some other factors, I got tough, quick. And that also meant I got over the breakup with a toxic person quickly as well. I knew the score. I knew the real reasons. I knew if I continued down that path things would've gotten far worse, and I shudder when I think about having considered letting her move in with me or proposing, because I feel this ache in the pit of my stomach at a couple different really bad scenarios which would've followed. So in hindsight, the timing was absolutely perfect, and maybe I should be grateful because it put me where I am right now. Where is that, in comparison, you ask?

In my relationship, as already mentioned, finances are 50/50. That in and of itself is something I haven't been graced with for over a decade, because even when I was married to my ex-wife, I would come to find out during the divorce that aside from one utility bill and my son's health insurance, I paid for LITERALLY everything else. So I made a career out of being a sucker getting played. Never again. In my new relationship, household expenses are split down the middle, so there's room for both of us to breathe, save a little, spend money on things we want after the necessities are handled...you know, like it's SUPPOSED to be. That alone is half the battle, won. No more carrying the lion's share of things and being taken for granted.

When it comes to romantic and intimate fulfillment, there is no comparison to what I was dealing with a year ago. All the "i's" dotted, all the "t's" crossed, and then some. No having to even "hint" at things, it's all there. Even to the point of getting to explore things I had pretty much written off as things I'd never get to do again, and being gifted some "surprises" that I didn't anticipate due to the lack of interest by my previous partners. So for the first time in a decade I can actually say I'm fully satisfied, to the point where I don't even think about sexual things all day long like I might've when I was either being left out to dry completely, or when I was only satisfying my partner but receiving no reciprocation.

I could go on and on about getting home-cooked meals regularly for the first time in a decade, sharing chores or being with someone who isn't constantly imagining murdering me because my "clutter" and my "stuff lying around" was annoying them. I admit there are some differences in parenting and a few personality quirks we may have to deal with from time to time, but overall I am happier than I've been in a long, long time, and have a much more positive outlook on things in general than I did this time last year. 

So good things to report, and the takeaway for you, the reader, should be DON'T SETTLE. Don't be overly impressed by the superficial, because most likely you'll get "got". Don't be the only one compromising/sacrificing. Don't let someone cop-out, be lazy or play victim with their mental situation, or use it to manipulate you. Fellas, don't always pick up the tab---this is the 21st century, and along with feminism and "equality" comes  splitting the check, or letting HER treat you at least somewhat regularly. Ladies, be HONEST UPFRONT about who you are, what you want, and more importantly, what you DON'T. 

Alrighty, kiddos, I've got errands to run and a song to finish writing, so I'm buttoning this one up. Be excellent to each other, till next time.