Putting Labels on the Relationship : Are They Required?

We all have different perspectives and preferences when it comes to "what to call" that relationship. I mean, marriage is pretty simple. "My husband" or "my wife". Or "my spouse", in less conventional arrangements. But what if you're not married? Just "seeing someone", "dating" or "going together" as we used to say?

Some people see the lack of labels as you're wanting a "no strings attached", or "commitment-free" situation (a "situationship" according to the kiddies). But that doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in "shopping around" or dating other people or anything, and doesn't mean they aren't exclusive. It actually is more likely to mean they don't want the obligation of having to attend family or work affairs, or mingle friendship/relationship responsibilities. Having no label means that there isn’t any pressure to be or act a certain way around your sweetheart; you don’t have to change to fit someone else’s idyllic criteria. It might also you the freedom to continue putting your passions or goals first. Forgoing labels might also give you the opportunity to really feel things out and keep things moving at the desired pace.

There might be some situations where one party has different needs or expectations than the other, and one partner doesn't see the importance in a label, while the significant other feels uncomfortable, unimportant or even outright crushed by the lack of it. To some people, having that label is akin to you telling them they're worth it, that they are good enough. The label means the partner (ideally) isn't going anywhere. It means there is no "easy way out" and that they don't have to worry about being alone again now that they're used to having you around adding value to their life. To them, it means you're as invested as they are, even if you already knew it and don't see the need for slapping a label on what you feel is already established as a commitment to them.

Dating is the stage in which we explore this getting to know a prospective partner and ultimately, decide if they might have long term matching potential for us. Plethora's of people skip this period of observation and relational building, many, to their later detriment.Commitment is having accumulated enough information (over a period of several months, preferably) which allows you to access thoughtfully whether it’s a good decision to move forward in building something further with this person. This has nothing to do with labels. And in fact, prematurely jumping to the falsely important moment of labeling can cloud our judgement in this regard.

People have a tendency of making labels synonymous with validation of a relationship, or with depth of love or symbolism of commitment. We must be more careful with mistaking labeling as being synonymous with a quality, truly well matched, healthy relationship. Slapping a label on something does not necessarily make it so, and within our current cultural landscape, often even indicates jumping the gun. While labels can be mildly helpful in offering a neat explanation to others of what the nature of a relationship might be, they do not offer any truly in depth view or impression of anything further. Labeling does not a commitment, nor a quality relationship make.

Ultimately, the word “relationship” offers no indication of it’s depth or seriousness. That singular word tells us nothing about the connection or strength of feeling between two people. The same goes for simplistic labels such as “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.” Some people push for these labels, falsely believing they offer a sense of security, greater authenticity, and the crossing of a commitment threshold to a relationship.

Regardless of where you sit on this subject, there needs to be trust and clear boundaries within any relationship, labeled or not. Whether you choose to label the relationship or not really depends on what you and your romantic partner feel comfortable with. Communication is always key to making sure you and your partner are on the same page.

A few questions you should consider talking through with your partner:

• What words do we feel good about?
• What are our needs for each other?
• What are our expectations of each other in terms of commitment, monogamy/exclusivity, time spent?
• What words do we feel comfortable using around friends? Family? On social media?
• What behaviors would be outside the boundaries/feel disrespectful to our relationship?

You might not land on a single word that feels like the right label for you, but as long as you're on the same page about what you're doing in the relationship and what the expectations are, that's what really counts.