Selective Morality/Truth : Lying to the World and Hiding in Plain Sight

You might recall a previous blog, wherein I described my short-lived, one-sided and tumultuous relationship with someone who turned out to be kind of a celebrity, and a felon. Honestly, that's been one of the hardest parts to get over since the breakup, because there have LITERALLY been nights I have had a hard time getting to sleep because it's hit me that "wow, I could've spent the rest of my life struggling, affected by someone else's drama and bad decisions!"

But as bad as that was, or could've been, I think another part of it bothered me worse: the fact that this person, who considered herself for all intents and purposes a "good Christian", and her family (also comprised of judgmental "good Christians") ALL LIED UNDER OATH IN A COURT OF LAW. I watched it. I read it. I put two and two together because it was all right there. No mincing of words and no "misunderstandings". These are people I realized (eventually) who I could NEVER fully trust, and it made me wonder what else could she lie to me about (or might have already).

I think what bothered me most is that I had already been thoroughly prejudged by this family because I did not subscribe to their particular belief system (i.e. religious lifestyle choice), did not attend church, and was not about to go pretending to be something I wasn't. And the daughter herself even slipped up on several occasions hastily/hatefully stating that I "did not believe in God" when I had in fact corrected that assumption several times by stating that I wanted very badly to believe in God, it's the people who claim to believe in God that I don't believe in (nor do I HAVE to). So I guess where is this all becomes relevant is because these people had a very strong opinion of me NOT based on my actions or my character or even my own actual words, but because how I chose to speak to God was completely different than theirs. To me, that is a very dangerous and irresponsible mindset to have this day in age where people are again becoming literally willing to lynch and persecute people who don't worship the same way they do.

Despite these absolutely ridiculous hang-ups, I was perfectly willing to try to find my place in all of it, simply because I had developed foolishly strong feelings for their daughter. But as the relationship moved forward, I, very understandably, started wanting to know more about this worldwide-media-covered incident which loomed like a dark cloud over her head (and would, by proxy, loom also over mine). I never got to have the "discussion" with her about it, because pretty much when I started trying to get to the details about what she claimed to be countless (and I'm not exaggerating, she LITERALLY could not "remember exactly how many") incidents of purported "sexual assault", the relationship was already on its way out; evidently either they were largely (if not entirely) bogus, or most likely, the details would be as damning of her as they were of the guys involved, but it was like emotional WWIII as soon as I started trying to piece the information together with the honest intent of trying to help my girlfriend overcome some hurdles that plagued her. It was one of several deeply-disturbing and unacceptable failures of connection between she and I. It was amazing how two people who started off seeming to be perfect for one another quickly turned into a volatile, toxic situation, but just as with the ending of my marriage, you can't make it work if only one person (me) is making a conscious effort to grow, mature and overcome the "bad stuff". I had my therapist on speed-dial, while my girlfriend (in a manner echoing my ex-wife) only seemed to want to approach mental health professionals about CERTAIN things but conveniently avoiding others, leading me to believe that this was another incident with someone who knew they couldn't walk in and fool a professional so they avoided the subject, most likely hoping it would "go away". Or because they wanted to continue to capitalize on the emotional profits of sympathy and coddling/enabling.

Keeping it brief for the sake of short 21st-century attention spans but giving you an idea of the crime this person committed (which is no "secret" as you will see it got news coverage across the world), well, the woman I was seeing had given birth to a baby carried to full term, and abandoned it in one of the most disgusting of ways and places. Others claim to have known she was pregnant (and she evidently alluded to pregnancy on social media), and she even had told me herself that she was aware due to the baby's conception having happened during one of her "now that I think of it, it might've been assault"-situations when she and her purportedly-abusive husband were on the outs, but all the "official" records, testimony, statements and videos have her and her parents CLEARLY lying directly to the court, saying "no one knew" she was pregnant to begin with.  Now, I've known a few larger-framed gals in my day who you couldn't tell they were pregnant, but this woman, while almost as tall as I, was not even remotely "thick" or "chubby" then, so it would've been clear as the sun in the sky if she had a big baby-belly hanging out. No way, no how this was "overlooked". So they all lied. All of them. Every single one.

So what else was I told intentional falsehoods about, then? Was the ex-husband REALLY the abusive one, or a sociopath? Or was it just a case of two immature people who rebelled against mommy and daddy by moving out and getting married too young just not getting along in an over-the-top way, all the while never finishing growing up? And what about all these alleged "assaults" that occurred, many of which were halfassedly explained with dubious statements like "I just got tired of them whining and bugging me" and about "doing it to shut them up", and about how even though nothing was ever said even resembling "no" (the easiest and most universal word on the planet), nor were any gestures or visual indications given, somehow because she (allegedly) "didn't want to" they were all "assault" despite the fact that the guys were (by her own admission) not made aware in any fashion. I will never accept some of the half-answers and question-dodging that I was subjected to, and along with the outright lies under oath about this very serious (and PERMANENT) conviction, it meant I would NEVER know exactly who I was in a relationship with. Other guys had (wisely) left as soon as they found out this horrendous thing she did. I'm still trying to figure out why I was so idiotic as to think I could make it work or "fix" someone so utterly broken.

But it made sense. Made sense why she was so secretive about some things. Why she wouldn't go on the podcast under her real name and instead used her roller-derby handle. And why she doesn't even use her real name on her Facebook or other social media profiles (because if you search her real name, news stories and other posts about "the incident" pollute the home page feed search results). And I'm guessing some of her closest "friends" don't even know all the details, even the "girls-night-out-crew" who share the same name. Because my guess is, if they knew who they were associating with, they might (as mothers themselves) have a change of heart. And it explains why she only gets her daughter (who was a small child when her baby half-brother was so cruelly discarded several years ago) only every other weekend, and alternating Thursdays; how screwed up and vile must a mother be for the court to award primary custody of a little girl to her father instead, after all? And this person hides in plain sight. This person who has lied to who-knows-how-many people, who has constructed this world of woe-is-me and whose family righteously looks down their noses at us who follow a different spiritual path, walks freely among the general public, presenting this fabricated persona to anyone gullible enough, until they tire or decide as I did, that they are not comfortable with someone skirting around the answers.

Who is she, really? Who are those who lied to try to protect her from a much harsher punishment (that in hindsight she clearly deserved), really? Who is the next in line to be fooled, used and abused? Because that's what she ultimately has become: the abuser. The untreated issues and covert narcissism that could destroy someone else's life almost did me in. When someone knows how to manipulate others with their perceived emotional issues, they become the predator. And for them, pray. They obviously need it.

Me? I'm just glad I didn't end up having to have "the discussion" with MY child's mother about dating this person, and instead was able to have a lighthearted discussion starting with the phrase, "alright, so check out THIS f**kin' bullet I dodged..."

The point? The ones with spiritual and social hubris are likely to be hiding deep, dark secrets. The ones who claim to be "damaged" sometimes are just as responsible for the damage as anyone else in their lives. Do your homework, and save yourself some time, money and sanity!