Shaming Slut-Shaming : Why You're Probably A Hypocrite And It Really Shouldn't Bother You Unless It Actually Applies To You
***WARNING # 1: This post will contain slightly abrasive language and subject matter. The Dyslexic Heart blog has remained PG-13 or better, but this entry will push the verbiage a little stronger in places, and while not as harsh as some of my other blog pages, I needed to warn any tender ears/eyes. You have been warned.***
***WARNING # 2: Failure to read the points of this post in FULL CONTEXT is not an excuse for negative feedback. This post is very clear that it is not discriminatory based on gender/sex, and is a condemnation of crappy behavior regardless of your identity. So you aren't being "attacked", unless you engage in the activities and lifestyle in question, and in that case, if it "bothers" you, perhaps you should rethink your choices instead of whinging about someone calling you out. You have, again, been warned.***
As with so many things of "political correctness" these days, one of the things that I've found myself at the receiving-end of more than I should have is being "shamed" for "slut-shaming". And by "more than I should have", I don't mean that there is technically anything wrong whatsoever with shaming actual, factual "sluts" (NOTE: that applies to both females AND males, so you can take any claims of discrimination/sexism/chauvinism, roll them into a nice tight tube and insert them where the sun doesn't shine, provided there is enough room beside your cranium), because there is nothing wrong with calling someone out for being reckless and stupid, putting themselves and others at risk, or perpetuating a lifestyle of toxicity, opportunism and double-standards, void of self-control and self-respect. No, I mean "far too often" I have been assaulted and harassed by people who want you to believe that their blatant promiscuity and undeniably self-destructive nature is some kind of form of "empowerment" or "liberation". Those proclamations are absolutely laughable at best. These delusional individuals really have themselves convinced (or are trying really hard to do so) that there's nothing wrong with what they do, or what they do to others, and despite in most cases even flaunting it publicly on their social media and beyond so everyone can see, it's said to be none of your business---unless, of course, you are an enabler, supportive of their choices and lack of discipline. The "bros" and "you-go girls" may praise and coddle them all day long and feed that validation vampirism, but an objective, sensible voice of reason, or honest criticism? They'll have none of that, thank you very much.
Let's make it 100% clear, AGAIN (to avoid the parroted, regurgitated spiel and canned responses) that when I refer to a "slut", that applies to garbage of any gender identity. Not just CIS-hetero females. Sorry "ladies", it's not always about you. True, the term slut has historically referred to females, yes, but here, we're referring to all-of-the-above, and ANYONE who carries on like some out-of-control animal instead of a sentient, sane human being deserves that title; just like a jerk who grabs a news reporter's ass or the guy flying a peep-drone over topless sunbathing women should be seen as predators the same as actual rapists and child molesters even though they aren't exactly "hurting" anyone in a certain sense. That is, of course, fair assessment.
Now that we've established that, let's look into the problem from the perspective of someone (myself) who has both been a bit of an insecure and needy slut himself at one point in his own past life (and is ASHAMED, as a responsible adult, of his past behavior), AND who also has fallen victim to being used by a slut or two also. Because YES, a "slut" isn't always the one being used as a "fucktoy" or "cum-dumpster", sometimes (maybe even HALF the time) THEY are the ones using someone else--sometimes with, and sometimes without, the victim's knowledge! Ask me (or my therapist) how I know!
I get it, you're a single person with no commitments or kids or need to maintain a respectable reputation, then great, do your thing. On ONE condition: make sure you're NEVER giving a false pretense to your victims or partners. Because it's one thing to be a promiscuous person with few-to-no morals, but it's an entirely next level of shittiness to use or mooch-off people (for money, free stuff, food, whatever) or in ANY way imply that you're interested beyond your childish immediate needs. There are plenty of other sluts out there who are "DTF", so find one of them to play with instead of damaging decent folks and trying to bring them down to your subterranean, subhuman level. That, and if you're going to be out there humping whatever moves, protect yourself AND others. No one wants your herpes, clap or even that yeast infection from where you don't actually bathe every day and sometimes wear the same underwear for days on end. If you lie to people or give ANY impression it's anything more than you just getting your jollies (or exchanging your worn-out genitals for some hibachi and shots), or if you go spreading illness because you don't value your own health or anyone else's, you cannot call yourself a "person", let alone a "good person", EVER.
It sucks to think about it, but needs to be mentioned that some sluts AREN'T single, and are out there macking behind their SO's back, but it happens too. Some will even give you the "don't you trust me???" bullshit and want you to question your own common sense and judgment. Don't fall for that. You're smarter than that, and your gut doesn't lie. Some might even accuse YOU of being the cheater. Red flag. The only thing more disgusting than a single slut is one who isn't, but who has no qualms satisfying his/her ego instead of being true to their relationship.
Now is where you should also be aware that "emotional sluts" exist too. You have the validation vampire who needs to be told on an increasing magnitude how pretty and desirable he/she is. And the person who posts the incessant, endless selfies (either "mirror" selfies or the SnapChat filter monstrosities). Maybe you've seen the "daily affirmation diva" who's posting the posts covering everything from mental health notes to "overcoming [fill in the blank]" inspirational nonsense or the passive-aggressive swipe projecting their own flaws onto others. Relationships with emotional sluts can be frustrating, because they don't value what the one person who's supposed to matter thinks, but they "need" (translation: immature people cannot differentiate "want" from "need") all those friends' encouraging messages/posts to survive. And single ones are equally insufferable, but at least you know they aren't actively making a partner's life miserable, whereas the coupled ones are worse overall.
So how angry have you gotten reading this? And WHY? I have already eliminated your assumption of sexual discrimination, so what is it? Was a nerve struck because you fall under at least one of these descriptions and you feel "attacked" (time to start whipping out that body chalk you carry around to play victim with)? A strictly logical answer is that sure enough, we are mammals, and if we did not possess sentience, I would agree that monogamy or even being somewhat sensible or selective regarding whom we choose as partners for copulation is unimportant or irrelevant. But we are supposed to be better than the beasts, so you have to hold yourselves to a better standard. I hope this DID strike a nerve or two, because if it DOES "bother" you, then you probably need to look at the terrible decisions you've made in your life, and ask yourself why you think your feelings or opinion matters if you choose to devalue and disrespect not only yourself but others. I'm no angel, and everyone has a "past" (some worse than others, right, recent ex?). But don't expect everyone to let you be a hypocrite or go around with your nose in the air complacently acting like your double-standards are "okay", because they aren't. You aren't that special, and you don't get that privilege.
Have some respect for yourself, and others. And realize that if you were REALLY "proud" of who and what you are, you wouldn't get your pathetic little feelings hurt when someone puts you in touch with your conscience and you couldn't/wouldn't try to pull the "slut shaming" card as a copout. And that is the bottom line you need to think about. Just like the addict who "doesn't have a problem", or the alcoholic in denial, you are what you are. Fix it, or shut the hell up and let the prizes match the game.
***WARNING # 2: Failure to read the points of this post in FULL CONTEXT is not an excuse for negative feedback. This post is very clear that it is not discriminatory based on gender/sex, and is a condemnation of crappy behavior regardless of your identity. So you aren't being "attacked", unless you engage in the activities and lifestyle in question, and in that case, if it "bothers" you, perhaps you should rethink your choices instead of whinging about someone calling you out. You have, again, been warned.***
As with so many things of "political correctness" these days, one of the things that I've found myself at the receiving-end of more than I should have is being "shamed" for "slut-shaming". And by "more than I should have", I don't mean that there is technically anything wrong whatsoever with shaming actual, factual "sluts" (NOTE: that applies to both females AND males, so you can take any claims of discrimination/sexism/chauvinism, roll them into a nice tight tube and insert them where the sun doesn't shine, provided there is enough room beside your cranium), because there is nothing wrong with calling someone out for being reckless and stupid, putting themselves and others at risk, or perpetuating a lifestyle of toxicity, opportunism and double-standards, void of self-control and self-respect. No, I mean "far too often" I have been assaulted and harassed by people who want you to believe that their blatant promiscuity and undeniably self-destructive nature is some kind of form of "empowerment" or "liberation". Those proclamations are absolutely laughable at best. These delusional individuals really have themselves convinced (or are trying really hard to do so) that there's nothing wrong with what they do, or what they do to others, and despite in most cases even flaunting it publicly on their social media and beyond so everyone can see, it's said to be none of your business---unless, of course, you are an enabler, supportive of their choices and lack of discipline. The "bros" and "you-go girls" may praise and coddle them all day long and feed that validation vampirism, but an objective, sensible voice of reason, or honest criticism? They'll have none of that, thank you very much.
Let's make it 100% clear, AGAIN (to avoid the parroted, regurgitated spiel and canned responses) that when I refer to a "slut", that applies to garbage of any gender identity. Not just CIS-hetero females. Sorry "ladies", it's not always about you. True, the term slut has historically referred to females, yes, but here, we're referring to all-of-the-above, and ANYONE who carries on like some out-of-control animal instead of a sentient, sane human being deserves that title; just like a jerk who grabs a news reporter's ass or the guy flying a peep-drone over topless sunbathing women should be seen as predators the same as actual rapists and child molesters even though they aren't exactly "hurting" anyone in a certain sense. That is, of course, fair assessment.
Now that we've established that, let's look into the problem from the perspective of someone (myself) who has both been a bit of an insecure and needy slut himself at one point in his own past life (and is ASHAMED, as a responsible adult, of his past behavior), AND who also has fallen victim to being used by a slut or two also. Because YES, a "slut" isn't always the one being used as a "fucktoy" or "cum-dumpster", sometimes (maybe even HALF the time) THEY are the ones using someone else--sometimes with, and sometimes without, the victim's knowledge! Ask me (or my therapist) how I know!
I get it, you're a single person with no commitments or kids or need to maintain a respectable reputation, then great, do your thing. On ONE condition: make sure you're NEVER giving a false pretense to your victims or partners. Because it's one thing to be a promiscuous person with few-to-no morals, but it's an entirely next level of shittiness to use or mooch-off people (for money, free stuff, food, whatever) or in ANY way imply that you're interested beyond your childish immediate needs. There are plenty of other sluts out there who are "DTF", so find one of them to play with instead of damaging decent folks and trying to bring them down to your subterranean, subhuman level. That, and if you're going to be out there humping whatever moves, protect yourself AND others. No one wants your herpes, clap or even that yeast infection from where you don't actually bathe every day and sometimes wear the same underwear for days on end. If you lie to people or give ANY impression it's anything more than you just getting your jollies (or exchanging your worn-out genitals for some hibachi and shots), or if you go spreading illness because you don't value your own health or anyone else's, you cannot call yourself a "person", let alone a "good person", EVER.
It sucks to think about it, but needs to be mentioned that some sluts AREN'T single, and are out there macking behind their SO's back, but it happens too. Some will even give you the "don't you trust me???" bullshit and want you to question your own common sense and judgment. Don't fall for that. You're smarter than that, and your gut doesn't lie. Some might even accuse YOU of being the cheater. Red flag. The only thing more disgusting than a single slut is one who isn't, but who has no qualms satisfying his/her ego instead of being true to their relationship.
Now is where you should also be aware that "emotional sluts" exist too. You have the validation vampire who needs to be told on an increasing magnitude how pretty and desirable he/she is. And the person who posts the incessant, endless selfies (either "mirror" selfies or the SnapChat filter monstrosities). Maybe you've seen the "daily affirmation diva" who's posting the posts covering everything from mental health notes to "overcoming [fill in the blank]" inspirational nonsense or the passive-aggressive swipe projecting their own flaws onto others. Relationships with emotional sluts can be frustrating, because they don't value what the one person who's supposed to matter thinks, but they "need" (translation: immature people cannot differentiate "want" from "need") all those friends' encouraging messages/posts to survive. And single ones are equally insufferable, but at least you know they aren't actively making a partner's life miserable, whereas the coupled ones are worse overall.
So how angry have you gotten reading this? And WHY? I have already eliminated your assumption of sexual discrimination, so what is it? Was a nerve struck because you fall under at least one of these descriptions and you feel "attacked" (time to start whipping out that body chalk you carry around to play victim with)? A strictly logical answer is that sure enough, we are mammals, and if we did not possess sentience, I would agree that monogamy or even being somewhat sensible or selective regarding whom we choose as partners for copulation is unimportant or irrelevant. But we are supposed to be better than the beasts, so you have to hold yourselves to a better standard. I hope this DID strike a nerve or two, because if it DOES "bother" you, then you probably need to look at the terrible decisions you've made in your life, and ask yourself why you think your feelings or opinion matters if you choose to devalue and disrespect not only yourself but others. I'm no angel, and everyone has a "past" (some worse than others, right, recent ex?). But don't expect everyone to let you be a hypocrite or go around with your nose in the air complacently acting like your double-standards are "okay", because they aren't. You aren't that special, and you don't get that privilege.
Have some respect for yourself, and others. And realize that if you were REALLY "proud" of who and what you are, you wouldn't get your pathetic little feelings hurt when someone puts you in touch with your conscience and you couldn't/wouldn't try to pull the "slut shaming" card as a copout. And that is the bottom line you need to think about. Just like the addict who "doesn't have a problem", or the alcoholic in denial, you are what you are. Fix it, or shut the hell up and let the prizes match the game.
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