Political Correctness and Passive-Aggression : Why Your Cowardly Linguistic Jujitsu Fails

Recently I've had to deal with someone who I thought was a friend turning around and essentially trying to thoroughly screw me over because a word or phrase did not fit into a crusader's perfect world of political correctness. Instead of said individual saying anything to my face when the incident occurred, or even via less-invasive means after the fact (text, Facebook Messenger, email, etc), this person decided that I crossed a line, triggered some white-guilt overcompensation and thus I was no longer "desirable" to be around and no longer was a respected association, thus resulting in a power-play move which got me kicked off a podcast host position ("demoted" to the title of "guest host")  because I was, frankly, the only non-amenable participant in the ever-tightening grip of control over the situation. I have to praise some of my more tolerant, diplomatic and flexible friends, because they certainly have much more patience than I in situations like this. It's one thing to voice opposition or objection to something you disagree with. But it's another to go completely around the person you have a problem with (out of fear, most likely) to stick it to them behind a curtain of secrecy. Shame on you.

The individual in question is about as genuinely "PC" as televangelists are "genuine spiritual leaders", as he has the luxury of a being blissfully-unemployed house-husband who gets to spend 80% of his waking hours getting baked, talking incessantly "at" whomever will let him "talk at" them, and finding new ways to get "his voice" out there to "enlighten" all us un-woke folks who can't possibly understand the struggles of minority races, the LGBTQ community and women as well as this white west-coast male straddling the tail-end of Generation X. This is a classic case of someone picking up and championing for causes which he loosely comprehends from the outside looking in, all to satisfy some need for relevance and to win the favor of every demographic except his own. The self-loathing guilty white dude shtick is tired, tedious and unimpressive, and it leaves the rest of us wondering why these people aren't getting the psychiatric help they desperately need. We get it, you're kinda' messed up. You've seen some stuff. But maybe you've also DONE some stuff as well that you wouldn't want getting out there, and that's why you want to paint yourself as some "white knight" for justice in a world that has none. I don't know. All I know is that you are insufferable.

I suppose, from a certain point of view, blogging about someone being passive-aggressive might be another form of passive-aggression, but I beg to differ. While names may be changed or undisclosed to protect both the guilty AND their victims, the situation is still very, very well known to the parties involved, and all the cards are out on the table. So while not a direct attack or discussion, it is no secret, and certainly is still far more civil and respectful than the person probably deserves. But if the offending party takes issue with such a thing, we can always add the names back in and forgo the "passiveness".

This individual and I first crossed paths on a podcast created by mutual friends, wherein I first was a guest, then a "guest host", and then a full-fledged co-host along with he and the show's creators. Upon our first meeting, I was stunned at our similar interests (in sci-fi and music, notably our Star Wars appreciation and the fact that he was literally maybe the THIRD person I'd ever met who liked the band Public Image, LTD), and it was refreshing, this idea that as a 40-year-old man I could meet a "new" friend who was passionate about some of the same things as I. We hung out some, and even discussed doing our own Star Wars-centric podcast, but it all came screeching to a halt because as a husband struggling to try (in vain) to save his marriage, a father who actually likes being around his son, a musician with steady gigs and an employed adult with bills to pay, I was not readily available at the drop of a hat, and thus not a convenient friend to have. So I was replaced by someone who did not have the same myriad of responsibilities and obligations, who could hang and be available "whenever". It was uncomfortable from then on out, and even more so after my divorce, when I started dating a female friend of his who rumor has it he had a little bit of a "thing" for (despite being married himself and ALSO evidently carrying on secretly with a girlfriend out on the West Coast) and there might have been a little more than a twinge of jealousy at play. Pretty much when I started dating this girl, his and my relationship dwindled even further, and I felt as if he was looking for the first opportunity to have me removed from his perceived dominion, where he was surrounded by equally-intelligent individuals, but of whom I was the only personality least likely to be persuaded by his psychological bullying and manipulation (i.e. equally stubborn and persistent). He got his chance, and evidently I said something that was out of line in his personal opinion. Over the past couple of months I had grown weary of his pseudo-intellectual condescension and his speaking aggressively and authoritatively on subjects that were really not his to speak of. And it all just came to a head. I frankly believe part if the problem was simply that he sees himself as kind of the nerd alpha, and I posed a threat to that for him. So if you can't beat them, have them ejected from the competition, right?

Luckily the other members of said podcast had the strength of character to approach me and explain what happened after realizing they had fallen victim to narcissistic abuse, and this individual was on his way out of their project. I was told I could return it anytime and my full host status reinstated, and the apologies were sincere. After hearing some of what he put them through, as well as the aforementioned friend who I started dating oh, it became clear to me that this is an individual in dire need of valuation and lifelong therapy to coexist in normal society. Fortunately for my blood pressure and for his personal health, he has heeded all warnings to stay the hell away from me and respect no contact.

I guess the point of the story, kids, is that if you're going to try to pretend to be some sort of moral hero , that's one thing. But you're never going to win anyone over for your causes if you're an antagonistic, overbearing prick about it, you're only going to push people away farther than before, and make new enemies in the process. And if you DO have an issue with someone, have the guts to approach them like an adult. They'll respect that more than of you're a scheming coward behind their backs trying to sabotage them and knock them down a notch to further assert your own dominance. If you are truly the ethical champion and intellectual superior, you wouldn't need to skulk in the shadows to complement your agenda.

The mic? Oh yeah, it has been dropped...